John Oliver LastWeekTonight LIES! Ep. 14

*CaliLiberal is looking himself over in the mirror. One half of green hair perfectly parted where it meets the other half of ironic gray. A v-neck pink t-shirt reads: ‘F*** Trump, Burn It All Down!’ on his arm a tattoo that reads ‘Peace & Love For All’, wearing the skinniest jeans you had ever seen in your life*

Ummm. CaliLiberal, what are you doing in my house dressed like someone attending a California State University?

Well CaliConservative, if you must know, I am going to be interviewed by the BBC and CNN about the London Bridge attacks. Now pass me the hair gel, my hair looks terrible, I knew I should have went with red and ironic white color.

*CaliCon hands him the bottle of extra strength crafting glue instead. CaliLib, without looking, takes the bottle and starts generously applying the glue to the green half of his hair*

What? Why you though? You have absolutely nothing to do with England and you certainly aren’t an expert on Radical Islamic Terr—

No! Stop it! Don’t you even dare say it! See? That type of blatant Islamophobia is exactly what we don’t want, that is why CNN is having me on.

But you weren’t even a part of anything! You would simply be there for the purpose of serving a political talking point.

People don’t care if I was there or not. They care if they agree with the message I am spreading and if they identify with me. We have to lie so people like you can stop spreading Islamophobia and stop blaming Islam for these attacks!

We need to get people back to living their daily lives and doing absolutely nothing to fix the problem.

Sure we are lying, it’s probably what we do best, but it is for the greater good CaliCon you must understand that.

*CaliLiberal couldn’t take his eyes off himself and continued apply the crafting glue to the green half of his hair*

And what “greater good” is that? To keep people from actually doing something to fix the problems in their lives. To take a stand against those that choose to do harm to them? Your solution is to lie to people and just get them to do nothing, by basically telling them their is nothing to be concerned about?

Hey as the Deputy Director of “Forward Movement”, it’s my job to make sure that people get the message of tolerance through their thick, most likely Conservative skulls. Even if we have to drill it into your minds, we will never stop, we know better than you hateful bigoted right-wing patriotic xenophobic conservative racist misogynistic mamalukes. 

When the reality of the world goes against our narrative, like Islam committing terrorism, we simply recreate the narrative by saying “that isn’t real Islam” so therefore don’t blame Islam.

Doesn’t matter if the killers shouted “Allahu Ackbar” as they slit throats, those people were a necessary sacrifice. Doesn’t matter if ISIS claimed responsibility for the attacks, we tell them ISIS isn’t Islam, and they buy it! Haha! 

I honestly don’t even have to do this interview. I just made a bunch of cash off of a Stop Climate Change fund I created after the Commander-In-Cheeto cancelled the climate. I want to do this, we need to stop Islamophobics now and by Islamophobics I mean all Trump supporters of course.

*CaliLib finally seems satisfied with his hair and tries to pull his hand out, jerking his head sideways. His hands were stuck. He begins to flail around wildly.

*He pulls his hand suddenly and with a vicious tear, the entire green half of his hair comes out*

*He is standing there with half a bald head and the other half slightly long ironically gray hair.*

Hey you know this actually isn’t a bad look for me!

Actually yeah, you look even more rabidly Liberal than ever, I dare say you are ready for your first Fake News CNN shoot. Go get em Lib!

*CaliLiberal struts out confidently*

OK SERIOUSLY.

So that was the satire bit there, touching on fake news, the London attacks, and the rush by the Liberal media to blame Islamophobia more than the radical Islam causing the problem, but I wish that wasn’t as real as I make it, because my satire writing is inspired by actual things Liberals say and do.

So John Oliver wants to start his show off by talking about the London Bridge attacks. Of course not to take a moment to educate his audience on why Islam is hell bent on disrupting our lives, but to remind everyone that there is nothing to worry about! John Oliver is mad that anyone dare be upset at a terrorist attack.

He says that British people don’t really care about terrorism they have more important things to worry about…like getting mad at someone for putting tea in a microwave instead of on the stove.

They tell us Islam is the religion of peace, nothing to do with terrorism. Suddenly a group of men are killing in the name of Islam and shouting a classic Islamist battle cry “Allahu Ackbar”. The Lib media will conveniently leave out the Allahu Ackbars, religious affiliations and rush to censor any possible footage of the attackers.

Instead they turn, what should be another salvo fired by Islam in it’s ongoing war to conquer the West, into a peace, love and tolerance brainwashing campaign. Essentially asking you to just embrace terrorism.

There is nothing you can do about it, don’t try to stop Muslim immigration, don’t try to stop the spread of Sharia Islam in your country, simply go to the bar and flirt with men to show those dang terrorists! We sure have come a long way from the days of “We shall fight on the seas and oceans. We shall defend our Island.”

I wish that last paragraph was satire as well, but it isn’t. The Left literally believes that by essentially doing nothing about the actual problem that it will just go away. Look at this guy, Richard Angell. He is a hack, a partisan, possible actor pushing a false-flag type of narrative. He wants to love ignore Islam and hope the problem will go away, but it will only get a thousand times worse.

Sorry to get stuck on this one thing so much but it’s very damn frustrating to see this type of blatant fake news being pushed around and people, mostly dumb liberals, believe anything they see on the mainstream media or this comedy satire shows.

This is the type of fake news they spread around to control the narrative. They can take a horrific attack by Islam upon the west and spin it around into an attack on Conservatives. We must recognize this dirty tactic and call it out whenever they try to employ it on us.

Islamophobia exists for a reason, because Islam always tends to be the single most violent and oppressive religion.

Ok now gladly moving on finally, John Oliver wants to talk about something else. We can already guess it will be one of three things, Trump, Putin, Or Trump-Putin. This is all the guy thinks about all day long. He obsesses over the phantom connections between Putin and Trump that no one can seem to find, but always assure us it exists.

We have total hysteria and panic mode setting in on the Left. They keep losing ground. Calling Trump a racist didn’t stop him from getting elected, calling him a would-be tyrant hasn’t gotten him impeached, so perhaps claiming illegitimacy can work? It will only end in the declared official illegitimacy of the feral Left.

So we will continue to hear cries of Russia, or Vladimir Putin, at this point it’s pretty much all anti-Trumpers have left. That and his tax returns which they are realizing isn’t a very good talking point. Most people have heard it too much already and don’t really care.

So what is upsetting him about Putin this time? Well it’s two Russian compounds that reportedly Trump was considering giving back to the Russians. In late 2016 the Obama administration seized the Russian compounds in response to the perceived intervention in the 2016 election that destroyed the Clinton campaign.

Now, John Oliver is mad at this, why? Well for one he says that the compounds have a history with spy activity. While it is true, that is perhaps probably why Trump added this stipulation if he was to give back the compounds:

Thats right. This is straight from the Washington Compost. If Trump gives back the Compounds the buildings would be totally stripped of all diplomatic immunity. Meaning the building would be treated just as any other building making it much easier to raid if any illicit activity is discovered. John Oliver doesn’t mention that to his audience.

He says “We get nothing in return” from this deal and that Trump is the worse negotiator ever. Now, correct me if I am wrong, but I don’t think that peace, security, and stable relations with the other premier nuclear power in the world is “nothing”. I think if giving them back their compounds that they already owned for decades pleases them, and if they agree to being stripped of diplomatic immunity, I say go for it.

Very small price to pay for peace and stability in the world wouldn’t you say? Well John Oliver wouldn’t in fact he thinks its the opposite. He hates Russia because they made his beloved Obama and Hillary both look like the corrupt criminals that they are.

I have to admit I totally saw this coming. I knew the moment Trump pulled out of those climate accords that John Oliver would be triggered by it on his show. So let’s power through this nonsense as quick as we can OK? Since I think most that read this blog probably already agree that man-made Climate Change is pretty much non-sense.

And of course it’s totally reasonable to have a picture that looks like the Earth has caught on fire. John Oliver is trying to make it seem like the only reason we have water or air is because of the Paris Agreement. Which many, even prominent climate change advocates, have said is total hogwash.

The Paris Agreement does absolutely nothing to help the Earth. It is simply a slush fund that was not approved at all in any form by congress. Obama used his Clean Power Act to commit the United States to this international bureaucracy that tries to take away our rights as citizens.

John Oliver says “the Paris Agreement doesn’t contain the word coal” so therefore it doesn’t limit any coal capacity. Now, this is an idiotic statement for so many reasons. John Oliver doesn’t take the time to explain that the agreement stating “carbon emissions” are directly referencing coal emissions.

40% of all carbon emissions in the US are from power plants, many of them coal powered. That is more than every car and truck in the USA combined. So when a deal says that it is going to limit carbon emissions, that will ultimately always target coal plants. John Oliver is being very dishonest, but that is very typical of him.

The Paris Agreement is a terrible idea for the US economy and our lives, it gives away our rights without us having any say in it. The Left call Trump a tyrant, but he is returning power back to the American people. For that, I thank and support Trump and denounce the liar John Oliver. Shame on him.

So his segment was long, so filled with lies, honestly I cannot get to them all. Hopefully I have shown enough here that John Oliver sometimes may not be telling you the wrong story, but he is certainly only telling you half a story.