LastWeekTonight Decucked Ep. 10

*CaliLiberal and CaliConservative sit in front of the TV, the HBO logo comes on and the opening theme song to LastWeekTonight with John Oliver starts playing*

Oh God help me.

Shhhh! Dont you dare disturb one of my biggest idols John Oliver. *CaliLib shoves a handful of popcorn into his mouth spilling crumbs everywhere*

Hey! You are spilling popcorn everywhere! I don’t even know why the hell I am letting you watch this crap in my house. Sure, I like to get the Liberal opinion from time to time, just to see what you SJW’s are saying about us now, but this show is just plain torture!

Yeah I guess it is torturous having to actually learn something from someone who gets it. I wouldn’t wanna watch this either if I was an uneducated wingnut like you!

I let you into my home to watch this TV program of yours, make you popcorn, and you still talk crap to me?

Of course! You think just because you act nice means anything? You are still a racist xenophobe Trump supporter. You wanna start making up for that? Grab me a cold Zima!

They haven’t been making Zima in years, but even if they did I wouldn’t grab you one because you are being a selfish jerk.

Jeez you don’t have to be so mean to me!

I’m being mean?! It’s like it’s never enough with you guys! It’s like if you say your thirsty, so I give you a cup of water, now you tell me that your family needs water too and you need a few gallons now! And If I don’t give it to you, than I am the bad guy!

Good I am glad you admit that you are the bad guy, now grab me that Zima and it better be cold!

Go get yourself a damn Zima! Get the hell out of my house.

*CaliConservative starts reaching into his waistband*

Oh no you got a gun!

*CaliConservative pulls out a piece of paper*

Ooooo! Is it an EBT application?! *CaliLib says excitedly*

No it’s just a job application, it’s for you.

*CaliLiberal literally disappears in a cloud of smoke and a cartoonish whoosh noise*

After a while this gets very tiring, boring and predictable. I know John Oliver will talk about Trump. He basically promised he didn’t wanna make his show just about Trump, but so far in 9 out of 10 episodes he has directly attacked the President. He is constantly attacking Trump, but I can see why.

If I was a weak, beta cuck, autistic parrot like John Oliver, I would get triggered by Trump as well. Since Trump became President, John lives in a never ending hurricane of triggers.

He feels like he is doing something righteous by going after Trump, it gives him the power of virtue, the high of self-righteousness that is all too addicting. Most Progressives suffer from this addiction. They simply can’t help but get offended at every little thing. Having something to complain about gives them purpose.

So what is it this week John Oliver where do we start? You wanna get right into Trump or are you gonna dance around him and take jabs at him before going at him?

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John wants to talk about North Korea. To his credit, he does remember to say he is not endorsing North Korea, but he went and insinuated that Kim and Trump have alot in common. What a dishonest jerk. Who has Trump oppressed? Illegals? Kim kills his people every single day and starves them to death by the thousands because he would rather fund his nuclear program than feed his people.

John Oliver is a douche for comparing them. Then he starts to attack Trump for saying that he sent an armada of warships to the Korean peninsula. When in fact the armada that Trump was talking about was closer to Australia and not heading towards North Korea, yet.

I don’t see how anyone could possibly criticize Trump for this. I think it was a genius move to keep the North Koreans guessing and unaware of Trumps intentions. That is how Trump will retain the upper hand, by keeping the North Koreans guessing, keeping them at their posts 24/7 because they never know when Trump might strike, or if he will strike at all.

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Next Oliver wanted to get triggered about Trump calling Turkish President Erdogan to congratulate him and becoming the new ruler in Turkey. Oliver has a major problem with this because he thinks Erdogan is a tyrant. Now, Erdogan is a tyrant, but Turkey is in a geopolitical soft spot of the world. It is the land gateway to Europe from the Mideast.

Erdogan has done a relatively good job of keeping Turkey is a stable position, and has held back millions of refugees from entering Europe. So we need to play nice, President Trump, the ever masterful strategist that he is, knows this. If one well placed and courteous phone call is all it takes to keep Europe safe, well I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

John Oliver probably wouldn’t think this was a bad thing either, had Obama been the one doing it. Right now we would be hearing him hail how Obama made the right move, but because it’s Trump, Oliver has to find fault with this brilliant move.

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Oliver goes into this very weird thing where he starts imagining Trump nude in the White House, but John Oliver wants to get to his main topic, it’s a slight surprise.

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Now immediately, I start to think to all the criticism I have seen directed at Ivanka and Jared online. Mostly against Jared Kushner, Trumps Son-in-law, he is vehemently hated by many in the alt-right. They see him as a weak liberal democrat, with strong connections to Israel. Bannon was reportedly calling Jared a cuck behind his back.

I knew the criticisms being aimed at Jared Kushner were going to hurt the Trump movement, or make it look like we are divided. Indeed some Bannonites have essentially separated themselves from most of the movement. The Bush-era specter of Neocons is being resurrected across the more conspiratorial segments of the Right and the Left.

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He says that Trump is putting alot of responsibility on Kushner. Which may or may not be true. I for one don’t mind seeing one guy do the job of a few people. For far too long has our government partitioned out just about every job so they can hire as many people as possible all doing one job.

Plus Kushner isn’t the only one working on these issues as they are insinuating. He is part of several teams and committees that are working around the clock to lower our budget, bring some type of peace to the Mideast, all while still combating civic problems like drug addiction and veterans care as well.

I personally don’t have a problem with Kushner, but I do think the criticisms against him emanating from supposed Trump supporters make the movement look like it is divided. Even though I think a majority of us, I would hope, that the trust we have in Trump far outweights any distrust we may have of Kushner. Also I will not like,  many of the anti-Kushner pro-Bannon crowd are vehemently anti-Israel, our most valuable ally against Islam.

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So John Oliver spends the remainder of his episode simply attacking Kushner, saying that he is unqualified for his position. Which what does “qualified” even mean anymore in this time? In the day and age of Trump? A man that has never held a public office ever in his life is doing a spectacular job at running our country.

Which makes me suspect that holding a public office isn’t as hard as they always made it out to me. People like my friend CaliLiberal would have you believe that only certain people from certain backgrounds with specific educations are the only ones qualified to run the country.

“Qualified” isn’t a thing anymore, we only have “Good Job” or “Bad Job”. It doesn’t matter if Kushner and Ivanka are qualified or not, are they doing a good or a bad job? Ivanka is the most beautiful woman on the planet(sorry, honey) poised, intelligent and always ready to face and surmount new challenges. I wouldn’t prefer anyone else to be involved with making our country great again besides Ivanka and her father.

Kushner in my opinion has a much shorter leash, which makes me think that if he does a bad job, President Trump has no problem reassigning or removing someone in his staff that isn’t working out, he has proven that. So far I don’t see any reason to get rid of Kush, and the criticisms against him, especially emanating from the Right, will become a focal point for the Left.

They did the same thing during the Bush era, they look for potential weaknesses in the base and constantly undermine along the way to scoop up any disenfranchised voters. Bush Jr made it very easy on them with the numerous blunders of his cabinet, but the Liberals would inflate the scandals to ten times their actual proportion, to scare supporters.

We are seeing the same thing here, keep watching for John Oliver to parrot less of the Liberal criticisms of Trump, and start to pick up a few more of the Conservative criticisms.

Oliver ends the show by taking a shot at O’Reilly, the fact that he is basking in the fall of a legendary cable TV host, speaks volumes to their idea of mutual respect. John Oliver says that O’Reilly “sucked”, yet The Factor had ratings that far exceeded those of LastWeekTonight, so if O’Reilly sucked, what does that make you John? Cucked?

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