John Oliver De-Cucked: Episode 9

Well it looks like the autistic screeching British parrot, perpetually triggered, Cultivator of Cucks, John Oliver hasn’t gotten the hin–

*A sudden loud crash, smoke everywhere, part of the wall has been destroyed and there stand a few people silhouetted by dust*

It’s me, CaliLiberal, and I brought of few of my AntiFa friends! You won’t get away this time.

Damnit, CaliLiberal, can’t you see I am in the middle of working?

*Looking perplexed, CaliLiberal replies* Werk? Wurk? What a strange word, what does it mean?

It’s that thing that normal grown adults do! It’s the way your parents were able to pay for your triple-major in Gender Studies, LGBT studies(Isn’t that the same as Gender Studies?) and Social Welfare!

Oh you mean that slave driven capitalistic wage slavery? Fools! Thank Gaia they had me to save them and this planet!

So what are you doing here anyway? Shouldn’t you guys be out there worrying about some pond scum that’s going extinct, attacking a Conservative gathering, or bombing some government facility you call “fascist”?

First of all, how dare you call us “guys”, yes we were all genetically born male, but perhaps we identify as females, trans, or quadgender!

Secondly, we already firebombed the local GOP(Nazi) headquarters. Lastly, we are here to stop you from publishing your latest article debunking our attack dog John Oliver!

 Well actually I am shifting from calling it debunking to calling it “de-cucking”. And you Liberal Progressive Fascists can never silence free-speech! We will continue to fight the information guerilla war!

*Hyperbole meter breaks from overload*

Anyways, why do you guys want to stop me?

Have you any idea how much money we spend on these new age socialist  programs? How many millions of dollars we are spending on reeducating you wingnuts to see things our way! The Left way!

Yeah, I know how much you spend. I can never match that. Your production values far exceed mine and you have a much easier access to a wider audience using your movies and TV shows.

Oh yes! You acknowledge our superiority!

No, I only acknowledge your financial superiority. You have allowed your platform to twist your mind until now, now you have become the very evil you have sworn to destroy!

Didn’t Obi Wan say something like that in the Star Wars mov-

Never mind that. The point is that you know that you can essentially say whatever you want and most of your audience will eat it up. Simply because you are on a screen comparing a complex political situation to an obscene metaphor.

SHHHH! How dare you figure out our secrets! CaliConservative, you are becoming most problematic.

*CaliLiberal pulls out a lightsaber…wait what? Lightsabers are copyrighted by Disney? Ugh, fine, he pulls out his Laser Sword.*

You were the Chosen One, CaliConservative! You were supposed to bring balance to Progressive Liberalism, not leave it in darkness!

If you aren’t with me, than you are my enemy! I hate you! Wait a minute, how did I become Darth Vader and you became Obi Wan?

You like that trick huh? Same mind trick we used to pawn the crimes of the Democratic party, our slavery and racism onto the dumb Republicans.

Nice try, except now we see through your deceptions and those old tricks aren’t working anymore!

Damn you! It looks like, Gaia forbid, I will actually have to *swallows* bear arms.

*CaliLiberal pulls out an old AK-47 that looked like it was manufactured in the Soviet Union and points it at CaliConservative*

This is it CaliCon, say your prayers.

*CaliConservative pulls out a large sign and places it in front of CaliLib*

Gun-Free Zone? Awww darn, it looks like you win this time CaliCon! Let’s go boys.

*CaliLib and Antifa squad all hop on a five person bicycle and begin to peddle away*

Works every time.

Seriously though.

So now, sorry, massive distraction. You know how those Liberals are, they can smell a dissenting opinion from miles away. Anyways, cuck of the hour John Oliver. We all know what you wanna do, you wanna attack Trump!

This is becoming a recurring theme on this blog. Take a look at what John Oliver said just before the start of season 4 of LastWeekTonight:

So John was implying that he really didn’t want to talk about Trump this season. Because everyone was saying, “Hey John you attacked Trump all of 2016 and utterly failed, what do you have planned for 2017?” He of course, lied, and told everyone he was basically done with Trump.

But as I have noted here on this blog, a very prestigious and totally real study from the University of No One from the Forensic Psychic Division, that John Oliver has a 90% chance of talking about Trump in any given episode since then.

Indeed in all but one episode so far this season, John Oliver has gone directly after Trump, and in every episode has attacked his policies. So give it to me John, you wanna go after Trump I know you do, let go.

Oh, close but no cigar CaliCon!

Wtf, CaliLib, your part of the blog is over, you aren’t even a real person go away.

Dont be a disembodied voice-aphobe! Just because I’m a caricature created for the sake of proving a point doesn’t mean I don’t deserve rights!

So, John is going after Sean Spicer instead for his recent remarks comparing Assad to Hitler. Where Sean actually implied that even Hitler wasn’t as bad as Assad in terms of chemical weapons.

Now look, no where on this blog do we want to get into the business of defending Hitler. I think WW2 was a vastly more complicated conflict than the scope of mainstream history allows. I think with the Treaty of Versailles treating Germany so poorly, WW2 was inevitable, but that didn’t give Hitler the right to assume total control of the nation, but thats a topic for another blog post.

John Oliver gets upset with our Press Secretary because he says that “even Hitler didn’t use chemical weapons on his own people” talking about Assad. Now, OK, at first glance, the absolute first thing you would say is “what about the Holocaust?”. Now, you would be wrong, using the laws of cogency, I do believe Spicers statement is totally right.

Let me break this down, the chemical used to kill the Jewish people during the holocaust was known as Zyklon B, a fumigant that was toxic to humans. A chemical, made for the express purpose of fumigating pests, not killing humans, unlike Mustard Gas, Sarin, or Anthrax, real “Chemical Weapons”.

Now, the largest gas chamber the Germans possessed could hold 2,000 prisoners at at time, so it would take a total of 500 cycles just to exterminate 1,000,000 people. Zyklon-B is very difficult to handle, the Germans didn’t rely on “gassing” people or chemical weapons to kill their enemies, there were much more practical approaches.

A bullet was cheaper and many of the accounts of the holocaust point towards other causes of deaths like being shot, worked to death, starvation and disease. Sure Zyklon-B was a chemical being used as a weapon, but it isn’t a “chemical weapon”, and “gassing” was the least preferred method of extermination, due to the high risks involved.

While the MSNBC claim of “millions gassed” is blatantly sensationalized. Spicer was talking about chemical weapons being used, by a leader, against his own citizens. If there is one thing you can say about Hitler, he really loved his people. Most of the Jewish people that died in camps came from outside Germany, over 95%. So I think Spicer isn’t totally wrong here, but *VIRTUE* I am not defending Hitler here.

It sure sounded like you were, besides you’re already a Nazi anyway for voting Trump!

Woah hey there we go, speaking of the man! I knew it! Oh how predictable the Liberal attack dogs have become. It didn’t take three minutes for John Oliver to stumble into Trump. What happened John? What happened to not wanting LastWeekTonight to be “all Trump all the time”?

Chocolate cake. Trump mentioned the amazing piece of Mar-A-Lago Trump Chocolate Cake™, now available at your local Florida based golfing resort. Now John Oliver is triggered by this, why? Because Trump didn’t forget the aforementioned breathtaking piece of chocolate cake he had with the Chinese President, but accidentally said the tomahawks he launched were towards Iraq, not Syria, and was corrected by the reporter.

Now, I am a human being, not an autonomous robocuck like John Oliver, I can’t always be perfect. Right now the US is backing a major offensive in Iraq where over 100,000 Iraqis are taking the fight to ISIS. Trump has daily briefings about the situation in Iraq, which is where a bulk of US forces are operating. I dont think it’s fair to attack someone who has so much on their plate for a simple word mix up.

At least Trump corrected himself on the spot, not like when Obama said we had 59 states and were training ISIS forces, he never corrected himself on those mistakes yet Libs never cared, because it was never about the mistake it was about the person committing the mistake.

Next Oliver attacks the kitchen staff at the Mar-A-Lago! What the hell! Why? Trump simply owns the place he doesn’t go in the kitchen and make sure the ham is being cooled properly. I actually have kitchen experience, it’s not easy to make sure ham stays at 41 degrees all day when you are busy and having a rush of customers.

John Oliver was so giddy over these small health code violations, which are only a reflection on the kitchen staff and managers, has nothing to do with the owner of the club, Trump. Why would he be so excited over the potential of some kitchen workers getting in trouble? Because they are employed by Trump? This is the sickening lengths they go to take a shot at President Trump.

He then attacks Trump for saying that NATO is no longer obsolete. Oliver called it a flip flop and played a clip totally out of context of course. Now that NATO speech was a great speech for Trump in my book. Trump laid out how he aims to make sure the other member nations of NATO pay their fair share.

They say Trump “repeatedly called NATO obsolete” but he actually only said it once before and the media never dropped it. Now Trump was saying “NATO is no longer obsolete” isn’t a flip flop, because when you watch the speech Trump explains why it’s no longer obsolete.

John Oliver doesn’t wanna explain that his audience, that NATO was a problem before for Trump because he saw it as taking advantage of the US, now that more nations have agreed to share the burden, Trump can work with NATO. Besides, getting rid of such a vital strategic alliance at this point in history could be disastrous.

I was opposed to NATO in it’s current form, but it can’t simply be disbanded, it can be fixed and I think Trump can do it working with our allies across the world to ensure safe and secure economic partnerships.

Of course though, being the Liberal that he is, John’s biggest problem with Trump is the United States using the #MOAB in Afghanistan. While I fully applaud this decision, and many others do as well, John Oliver has a problem with it. Because Trump did it, had Obama done this, we would be watching a 20 minute segment of John explaining how necessary the strike was, but he never got that chance because Obama was weak.

I rarely agree with Geraldo Rivera, but John Oliver attacks him viciously for daring to praise the MOAB strike. Even though Geraldo was pretty much a big time Hillary supporter and criticized Trump heavily during 2016. Oliver can’t stand anyone daring to praise Trump.

He ends this Trump attack by saying that Trump is driving us towards nuclear war with North Korea. Totally forgetting NK has been developing nukes and testing nukes and just doing general nukey things for decades now. Trump would be ending a half a century long conflict, finally, had Obama done this, they would have given him more of those Peace Prizes.

John Oliver moves on to his main topic of the night, France. Of course, before he even starts blathering on, I realize what he will talk about. In his never ending predictability, he will try to attack Marine Le-Pen, trying to prevent yet another massive blow to Globalism.

Marine Le-Pen is threatening to win the presidency, she is perhaps even more radical than Trump. John’s worst nightmare, how does he attack a woman being the cuck that he is? He is scared of a “wave of far-right populism” sweeping across Europe, threatening to destroy his precious European Union.

Oliver tries to dance around Le-Pen, he starts running down the list of the other candidates, people like Fillon or Macron. He goes over a couple of the scandals, some of which I mentioned in my other article Marine Le-Pen Will Win the French Election.

He spends about ten minutes explaining the French election and a few of the obscure candidates, but then he gets to Le-Pen. Immediately he launches into an attack. He attacks her father, Jean-Marie Le-Pen, who was once on record as saying he wasn’t convinced of the Nazi gas chambers. What does any of that have to do with this election? It’s just anti-LePen propaganda. Futile, like the anti-Trump propaganda we saw in 2016.

John Oliver spends the rest of his show literally begging the people of France not to vote for Le-Pen, which makes me suspect she is the perfect choice for France. The European Union is dying, much like Liberalism, and people like John Oliver don’t wanna accept that reality. However, reality doesn’t care if you accept it or not, one way or another, Conservatism will win it is our destiny.

That’s all folks, tune in next week for the next edition of John Oliver De-Cucked!